i think the abc television series "the bachelor" may be more insulting and degrading to humanity than the most scatalogical, strangulatory, anal-fisting porno could ever hope to be. i think the universe is really big and really old and sometimes when i think about that it makes all of the problems in the world seem very, very small. giganto-verse? nano-probs! i think emperor penguins are rad, and so is fog. i think it's cool, how old turtles can be. "heard of the big bang? i was there when it happened, dude." i think being crushed by a boulder while getting one's chicken on would prolly be the most embarrassing way to die. call me old-fashioned. but. you know. i used to read fortean times. i think we should all share a moment of silent reflection, to commemorate the miracle of turkey day. well. next year, i mean. i think i'm thankful for v8 sprash, which tastes better than the juice of any single fruit or fowl. i think i've said and done more than my fair share of stupid things. i think if i ever had the chance to name a country, i'd name it bulgravia. or hungravia. hun-gravy-uh. and the capitol would be called ultravoxstok. i hate being bored and i can punch sun.

HE SHALL SHE SHALL BY THE SHE SHORE.