my other life is waiting, but who knows where?

i'm making a comedy album.� it's called never trust a man with a crooked penis.� i believe that's also a pretty solid motto you could stake your life on.� elbow macaroni, the guy that lives on lombard street?� never lend money to that guy!� "hello, i'm calling for pretzel pete?� P.R.E.T.Z...."� you'd better watch your ass (and your pets' asses) when he's around!� boomerang bob?� i wouldn't trust him as far as i could pick him up by his crooked wang and throw him!� there's probably a pretty good reason why these guys' penises are crooked... and do you really want to find out?!?!� ok, maybe that wouldn't be such a great premise for an entire album, but i bet it would be a pretty stellar 45rpm single.� prepare to get hit in the neck by seven crooked inches of pure "yo mama is so fat and yo penis is so bent at a right angle" vinyl comedy pleasure. "your dick is so crooked, you have to place personal ads in search of a woman with a crooked uterus! your dick is so crooked, you had to call the plumber to install a crooked toilet in your bathroom!"

other highlights for today

in the latest issue of thumb fanzine, mumbleboy says he once deejayed at the same radio station that i used to deejay at.� also, i saw kit carter drive by ikea and kick a swede out the passenger door onto the sidewalk, without even stopping.� oh my... what a hardcore party animal! this world is totally emmanuel lewis (translation: small & funny).