here is a simple (and exxxtremely easy) program for becoming the new hottness on the interweb!!.

firstly: be a whiny, self-righteous british male.
secondly: listen to whiny, self-righteous britpop bands.
thirdly: get the same haircut as some git in a whiny, self-righteous britpop band.
fourthly: start a blog, post pictures of your haircut, and include several whiny, self-righteous britpop bands (and maybe football) under your "interests." topics of discussion for the blog should include "that bloke from oasis threw yet another hissyfit in public and i really think he's ten times better than jesus christ singing with the beatles," "eminem or george bush is a wanker," and "i refuse to admit to being racist against indians, pakis, irish or blacks (although i probably am)."
fifthly: american girls love you. they believe you are incredibly cutting edge because you like that one whiny, self-righteous britpop band (in the u.k. you are actually listening to the same horrible shit every other wanker listens to, but in the u.s. your tastes are considered "indie"). they really get turned on by your tendency to go on essentially unprovoked tirades about how americans are insufferable ignorant cunts who don't know anything about the rest of the world's concerns, and by your haircut which resembles that whiny popstar twat's haircut.
lastly: invite several american girls to be your long distance girlfriend and/or have phone-sex with you. kick back and have a guinness, mate! you've got it made, now!

this guide may be slightly adjusted to work for males from australia, germano-scandinavia, and canada. unfortunately it is not intended for use by american males, as you will only look like a pretentious asshole if you attempt to deploy the strategies outlined above. by the way, the overt hypocrisy of the use of phrases like "whiny, self-righteous" is not lost on the administration and faculty of the international new interweb!! hottness correspondence institute of provo, utah, so save your breath.

(addendum: we've already received numerous inquiries from potential female students, asking whether we have a similar program available for them to become the new hottness on the interweb!!. we do, in fact, and it is much simpler than the males' program.

firstly: be american and have large breasts.
secondly: don't be overweight. big tits don't count if you're fat.
lastly: place a photo of yourself along with your email address or chat name anywhere on the the interweb!! and wait 10 to 15 minutes. a whiny, self-righteous british male will be along shortly to collect you.)

that twat from
that band.