we were scared in the london dungeon
(it's silly, i know)
and we both felt slightly embarrassed in soho

this morning i listened to the television personalities song "smashing time," while drinking cough syrup just for fun. i once played that song at a dance club, but nobody danced. i don't know... life seems ok.

today i fell asleep for a while in the library at school. i'm not too pleased with myself about that, but i guess i could do worse. i met a friendly, kind of typically twee girl who mentioned liking the tvp's. she seemed unimpressed with the fact that my idea of a smashing time is robo-ing while listening to dan treacy's dulcet cockney tones. it felt good to ride my skateboard around bicycletown. being able to putter around on a plank of wood i've had since i was eleven years old somehow assures me that things are alright. like, if everyone and everything else were to abandon me, i might only need my skateboard and some flat pavement to make me happy. and, well, maybe a flask and a lot of money.

tonight i went for a drive. because the barren countryside is just a stone's throw away from where i live, driving around aimlessly in the dark with the window rolled down and the stereo blasting is actually something i can do in order to calm down, sort my thoughts out, be alone with the moon and the traffic lights, and just be incredibly relieved that (barring a crash) nothing i do or say in my car will affect anyone at all. one of these nights, i will just go for a drive somewhere (i don't know where) and decide to never come back. it has to happen, eventually.

05 October 2001

guess what. more television personalities. more sysurp. the buzz was stronger this time. when the bottle was nearly empty, all of my skin began to tingle tingle tingle. then i took a nap.